If you think every post that comes up is a sign that I'm on, you're wrong. I'm giving a good estimate of 90% of the posts are queue. While I did say this is my (poppydicks's) nonporn Tumblr, this does not mean I won't be blogging NSFW stuff at all.
I want to first off say this is my own honest fucking opinion. Maybe this was implied as a satirical piece of some sort, but my reasoning is why would it be a ‘joke’ article if on the very first page of the newspaper, there is a picture of Iron Man at the top, drawing you in to read the newspaper. I see no other eye-catching picture as an incentive to pick up the newspaper. When you flip through this issue, one also notices it is one of the very few articles that have been printed in completely full color. This heavily implies that the movie review on “The Avengers” is one of the ‘main attractions’ of this issue.
In no way I’m saying I should’ve written this page. I’m no where near a ‘comic expert’; my basis into the Marvel fandom has a basis in the movie franchise. What I am saying is that judging from how many holes and mistakes I’ve found based on my knowledge (and what this whole piece is based on too), this review could’ve been written way better.
There are actually two parts to this ‘review.’ The first part is the most eye catching, with each of the Avengers beautifully photoshopped and given their own section, much like a ‘character bio.’ This builds up to the actual movie review of “The Avengers”; this I read and found it actually pleasing. It essentially confirmed everything beautiful and perfect I’ve heard of the movie so far. The ‘character bios’ is what has the most startling errors. Comparing the two sections, I’m going on an off-hand comment that it was actually written by two different people. Unfortunately, no other name was provided except for the “Senior Staff Writer”, so sadly, she will be taking the brunt of the blame.
Read moreIn the 1960s, comic books took a turn for the team. In an effort to boost sales, comic book artist like Jack Kirby and Stan Lee combined favorite superheroes into teams, creating interesting dynamics and, of course, bigger battles. DC Comics came up with the Justice League, a crime fighting unit of blue bloods that emulated the put together finesse of the Ivy Leagues. Meanwhile, Marvel threw together six of its most popular, dysfunctional characters into what became the Avengers. Basically, the the Avengers is the angry, loud, awesome dysfunctional family that you both fear and love. Basically, the Avengers are better.
IRON MAN
Iron Man is everything an aspiring nerd should, well, aspire towards. Genius, playboy, millionaire Tony Stark was born a normal human with an incredible mental and financial capacity to do good. The 2008 and 2010 films “Iron Man” and “Iron Man 2,” respectively provide needed exposition for a once relatively obscure character. After a piece of shrapnel embeds itself in Stark’s chest, a powerful electric generator called the arc reactor keeps him alive. Thankfully for the plotline, the generator lazer powers his super suit as well, which is not only an aesthetically pleasing color, but allows him to fly and shoot missiles out of his body. He is clearly the most Batman-like of the group, but lacks Bruce Wayne’s perpetually solemn personality and thankfully, a sidekick like Robin. Instead, while Stark saves the world, he combines Gambit’s charm with Deadpool’s wit into a personality that can only be described as killer. Basically, Iron Man is perfect.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Captain America is a superhuman, but not in the shiny, supernatural way Superman is. No, Captain America was born Steve Rogers, a puny weakling with a heart of gold. In the 2011 blockbuster “Captain America: The First Avenger,” Rogers is injected with the Super Soldier Serum (points for alliteration) and saves the world, but more specifically, America. A quick flash forward later, and Rogers is thawed from being cryogenically frozen and lands in Time Square, circa 2012. There, he is greeted by S.H.I.E.L.D. director Nick Fury, who approaches him about joining a brand-new superhero team. Evidently, Cap agree.
THE HULK
Essentially, the Hulk is the angry green thing. Believe me, you can’t miss him. He’s right there. His normal state is Bruce Banner, a mild mannered scientist who worked on making humans immune gamma radiation. Like the Fantastic 4, science completely backfired and turned Banner into the aforementioned angry green thing. Like all superheroes, Banner saves the world, gets the girl and gets to transform back into Edward Norton/Mark Ruffalo when he can calm his shit. That’s more than can be said for the Thing. In the 2008 reboot of “The Hulk” (in which he’s played by Edward Norton), Banner saves the world and manages to control his Hulk-transformations. At the end of the film, General Ross is approached by Tony Stark to create a team of superhumans. I don’t want to give anything away, but the team — it’s the Avengers.
BLACK WIDOW
We first meet SHIELD agent Natasha Romanova — codename Black Widow — as Tony Stark’s frighteningly competent assistant. Now she’s applying her super-assasin skills to the Avenger’s Initiative, along with longtime SHIELD partner Hawkeye. Though she hasn’t yet had her own movie and has no superpowers to speak of, Romanova — played by Scarlett Johansson — holds her own with icy professionalism in “The Avengers”.
THOR
God of thunder, son of Odin, Thor is basically an alien beamed down from outer space. The 2011 adaptation of his life, appropriately called “Thor,” is essentially a coming of age story — as a punishment for being an entitled jackass, Odin sends his son to the best place to grow up — Earth. There, he has to reclaim his hammer and, you guessed it, save the world. The film concludes with S.H.I.E.L.D. director Nick Fury asking Thor to identify a mysterious, powerful object. Undoubtedly, it will play a part in the coming movie.
HAWKEYE
Of the Avengeres, Hawkeye is one of the only two to not get a separate movie. In addition to this sad lot, he is truly just an average guy, with the unerring but ultimately not exciting ability to shoot arrows really really straight. He’s basically Katniss Everdeen. In another series of unfortunate events, his real name is Clint Barton.
Tony Stark is a classy b*tch.
Made in MSPaint.
ASSEMBLE is a bad, (hopefully) humorous comic series involving the East Coast Avengers, made both for my own personal, immature entertainment, but also in some vain attempt to better familiarize people who may not know much about the characters with some of them before the release of the Avengers movie in 2012.
A few months ago, while perusing Tumblr, I came across this quote from Jeremy Renner, describing the Avengers: “Just because they’re super heroes doesn’t mean they’re super friends.” I don’t think I could have ever come up with a better tag line for ASSEMBLE… ever. This one was just about perfect, so I stole it.And that is the story of the ASSEMBLE tagline. Thank you, Mister Renner, for being awesome.
Rock on, sir. Rock on.
…Hawk on?
/shot
Hawkeye, Thor, Iron Man, and the Avengers © Stan Lee and Marvel comics
(Source: assemblecomic)
Yes Hawkeye you look very cool while falling backwards and shooting an arrow
Hawkeye have you thought this through
what is your plan for landing
oh no Hawkeye
(Source: gingerhaze, via stepherizzle)